What I learned about myself on Umrah pilgrimage
Thirty-one years ago, I performed Umrah with my late husband. We were only able to stay in Makkah a few days and though it was a very moving experience spiritually, it left me feeling sad and with a great longing to return. I felt as though my pilgrimage was incomplete, even though I had performed all the essential actions. Despite my overwhelming desire to perform Umrah again, circumstances didn’t allow it.
It is said that a person will wish to return to the Ka’ba again and again, as a baby camel wants to return to its mother. That was certainly true for me.
It is also said that it is Allah, the Almighty and Especially Merciful, Himself who invites a person to the Ka’ba. If He invites you, it WILL become possible.
I prayed for the opportunity all during last Ramadan, though I didn't know how it could possibly happen. Then I was given a way, a very easy way, with very little effort on my part. The effort would come later.
This is what the experience of my second Umrah taught me about myself, my relationship with others, & my relationship with Allah, my Lord.
Spiritual Revelations
🕋 That I need to keep firm faith that Allah will give me what I really need, when I really need it. After 31 years, I really needed Umrah!
🕋 That sincere Ramadan prayers in particular will be answered, even if they seem impossible. I must never hesitate to dream big and ask Allah for what seems impossible to me. Nothing is impossible to Him.
🕋 Not to be discouraged when I don’t get what I want when I want it. Allah knows the very best time.
For me the best times were when I was young, still childless & needing to build my faith, and after I had raised my child and lost my two sources of security and support in this world. Those sources of security and support were my mother, who provided the home that I could always return to, and my husband, who I could always rely on. After their deaths I naturally felt lost and anchorless. At such difficult times it is also natural for me to turn towards Allah. This Umrah reassured me that Allah will always be there for me.
🕋 If I rely on Allah completely, while making sincere efforts, He will take care of me.
🕋 That if Allah wills something, even your former enemies will support you and help make your dreams possible, so I must never write off anyone completely. You never know when Allah will use them for your benefit.
Practical Revelations
🕌 That I am capable of much more physical hardship than I had thought possible. The bus ride from my school in the UAE to our hotel in Makkah was about 24 hours. Coming back from Madinah took even longer. This was a painful journey even for the teenagers who came with their parents, despite stopping for food, prayer, and bathroom breaks.
🕌 That I am capable of much more physical activity than I had thought possible. I estimate that each of the two Umrahs that I performed (one was for my late mom) meant that I walked between 4–6 miles each time. I wasn’t used to walking that much and 6 miles is about the farthest I have ever walked. Even though I spent most of the month before without my car, I had still only been walking about 3 miles a day.
🕌 The amount of physical hardship and activity I can endure is directly related to how motivated I am. Unfortunately, I am rarely that motivated.
🕌 To always follow my instincts, which in this case was to bring only the clothes I anticipated needing and not to buy anything new. This was against the advice of most other people.
🕌 I can live on junk food/fast food and lose weight if I am active enough. I definitely wouldn’t recommend this for long periods of time, or any longer than two weeks.
🕌 I can get along with most people and under difficult conditions, despite what I had been told about myself and despite being an introvert.
🕌 Some people are not going to like me no matter what I do or do not do (2 out of 36 people). They may try to make trouble, but ultimately do not matter all that much. They are on their own journey and I am on mine.
