The Four Qualities I Most Want to Reflect in 2021
Like most of you, I’ve had a lot of time for self-reflection during 2020. If the worst happened, how would I be remembered by the people closest to me? By my friends? By my colleagues? Acquaintances?
The people closest to me and my friends understand me for the most part, get my humor and my moods, and (I hope) would remember me for the ways I have enhanced their lives and the times we shared together. They would miss me and my absence would be hard to fill. My acquaintances know me as mostly cheerful and considerate. They wouldn’t notice my passing much, but what about my colleagues?
Some of the images I conjured up were disturbing & Dickensian. They might well remember me only as someone who stops meetings to critique changes to the agenda, who insists that everyone pull their weight, follow the rules, and stop whining, or who generally avoids them as much as humanly possible- or worse. I’m not out of line with my criticisms and I don’t regret social distancing (especially since proper mask wearing and personal space seem to be foreign concepts to them — and since two of them did get Covid19 and had us all rushing to get tested or worse, have to be quarantined for two weeks.)
Still that doesn’t let me off the hook for my less than exemplary behavior. There’s honesty and there’s brutality and I crossed the line on more than one occasion this year. So, many of they may remember me as someone they are relieved not to have to deal with anymore. At best, I might be remembered like a colleague who died suddenly last year of a heart attack- as a generically ‘nice’ person who was good at their job and was devoted to their profession.
However I will be remembered, I recognize that it is something I truly have no control over. What I do have control over are the qualities that I embrace as most important and how I express them in my behavior.
Number one — A Better Form of Honesty
Honesty is obviously very important to me. I have no problem expressing that. However, it really needs to be tempered with consideration and, sometimes, it needs to be toned down or flat out silenced. I don’t need to speak up about everything. I need to use my words for the important battles, not every skirmish. I certainly don’t need to leave others feeling humiliated or shocked. I actually had done better in the past, but the stress of 2020 seems to have added a real edge to my words. Not cool.
Number two — Kindness/Respectfulness
These are important to me. I am generally kind and respectful online and with the people I encounter every day, with the exception of my colleagues. I want kindness and respect from them, so I had best make sure that my choice of words reflects that, regardless of how I may be feeling toward them at the moment. If I can’t say something reasonable, then I need to just be quiet or walk away. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.
Number three — Balance/Harmony
I want to have balance in all aspects of my life: work, home life, personal growth, physical well-being, and my writing. That was relatively easy for me when we all had to work from home and is easy for me when work is out of the picture during vacations and on weekends. But balance needs to be an everyday thing.
Workdays tend to be completely out of balance for me. I need to make sure that I relax and take care of myself as well as I take care of my other responsibilities. I need to take time to write everyday- because that is essential to my well-being and sense of self- and not just writing on Twitter either. Writing everyday will require discipline and extra diligence- plus maintaining the calming atmosphere I have worked so hard to create at home through decluttering. I am much better at decluttering and cleaning out than I am at maintaining an uncluttered home. I need to learn more about ways to achieve this and create the necessary systems to put it into practice on an everyday basis.
Number four — Lifelong Learning
I need to continue to update my knowledge and skill set for my career and also for my personal growth. There are always books and articles to be read and processed and new skills to build on top of my existing skill-base. Luckily I am the type of person who cannot be happy doing nothing, and unless I am very sick, will never be found doing nothing.
Like everyone, what I have been doing isn’t always the most productive, even when I just need to relax. Relaxing might mean yoga stretches or an afternoon nap to recharge, instead of web-surfing or doom-scrolling.
One of my English professors, Paul Kelly, once said “Approach every day with a question that you want to answer. Search until you find the answer.” These days that doesn’t take long. I am committing myself to at least an hour of learning per day.
Wish me luck and sufficient perseverance. I wish the same for each of you.
What qualities are most important to you?
What will you do to better express those qualities in 2021?
