September 11th Reflections, 21 years later
Twenty-one years ago today my life changed. I’m acutely aware that I am far from alone in this. It was not loss or grief that changed my life, but hate. Within five years I was driven out of my own country when everyday life became unbelievably dangerous.
I am a white 7th generation American convert to Islam. I wear hijab. After 911, I may as well have been wearing a target on my head.
The hate that I had faced since I converted from strangers, co-workers, former childhood friends… escalated from once in a while to an everyday event. It went from being something that bystanders were shocked about to something they ignored or even encouraged. I no longer felt safe to go to the grocery, stop for a coffee, or go for a walk. Hate had become normalized.
I was refused service in restaurants, stores, and medical clinics. I was followed by security while shopping. I was shouted at — called terrorist, evil, bitch, raghead… and was threatened with bodily harm or death. I learned to shop in safe places where I trusted the owners or managers to not let anyone harm me. Most of these were Christian. I hated what my life had become. I had a chance to start over in a Muslim-majority country and I took it. My teenage son and I made the decision together.
Not long before I left the country a woman tried to kill me and my son with her car. I can never forget the look of complete hate on her face. She swerved at the last minute, probably to save herself. I found out this was because irresponsible TV “journalists” were blaming Muslims for a blackout in CA & NYC. It had nothing to do with any group of Muslims or any so-called Muslim terrorists.
Nothing much has changed. I face the same discrimination whenever I return to the states to visit. At least I can say that death threats are not as frequent.
Now, after over two decades, I am repeatedly told that the hatred and prejudices against Muslims are normal. I am told that I must remember that people are still angry and they have to blame someone. I am told this by conservatives and by liberals. Each hate in their own way.
American hatred is the problem.
It isn’t just hatred towards Muslims that America needs to confront, it is also hatred towards Indigenous Peoples, Asians, Blacks, Hispanics, and all POC.
America needs to do better.
Especially white Americans need to do better. Very rarely do I get hate from anyone else. I believe America CAN do better. If it truly wants to.
I miss my country and my family, but I doubt I can ever live there again.
Do your part to prove me wrong.
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If you care to learn how 9/11 initially impacted me and my Muslim community, please read my memoir here on Medium, “September Journal.”
